Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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