I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
