You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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