She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
