Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
