I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
