I seem to have left my pride at pride
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
