He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
