I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
