Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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