if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
