Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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