im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
