I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
did i just pee glitter
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
