my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize