I'm really into asian looking animals
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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