people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
