he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
