dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
