i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I just sharted jello shots
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