my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
