this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
