you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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