Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We smell like vodka and hangover
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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