In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
