we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
