I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
