I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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