i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
