next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
