I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it because I queefed?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
