I looked at my own cervix.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
