Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
