You smell like a Billy Joel song
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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