When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You don't make any sense
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