the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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