I'm lost and stupid without you.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
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I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
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I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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