She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
