yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
