my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
