what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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