Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
