Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
