I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
