I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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