I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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