i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues