JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks