I wanna bring you to show and tell
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat