But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
