the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
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