i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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