grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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