Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
