i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
