I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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