I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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