After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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