Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
