my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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