every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize