Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
