this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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