some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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