my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
