after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
