im drinking this country out of the recession.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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