I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
