Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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