'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
