I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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