Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
