I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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