I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
