Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have demons in me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
nutella sex= disaster
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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