one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
