"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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