Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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