Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
