Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
